This has been a really hectic couple of months for me. In October 2009 I found myself staring at a pretty grim situation. I had a second DUI pending (which is really the third in my driving career), was looking at losing my job, had buried myself in debt by not paying bills and taking out payday loans, and generally was drinking myself into oblivion. As I plunged into this tunnel, I discovered that there was a light at the end, thanks to rehab, my mom, and my friends.
I checked into Parker Valley Hope on October 8, 2009, and I’ve been sober ever since.
The general suck that surrounded my emergence from rehab was the fact that I couldn’t drive for 2 years, had to find a new place to live, had set my family back tens of thousands of dollars, and faced losing many of the people I had called friends. It’s hard to say which one of these was the worst as they all floated to the top of the toilet bowl of my life. Everything just really sucked.
The best thing, of course, is that I had beaten this whole alcoholism thing. I thought.
When I got back to Starkville I picked right back up at work, found a new place within walking distance of everywhere I needed to go and secured rides to places farther away, and got hooked up with an outpatient group that has been mostly helpful. I was living on my own, getting by with a little help from my friends, and staying sober. I had opened the lines of communication with my family, who knew nothing of my drinking/financial/legal/endless problems, and felt stable.
I picked a bad time to stop drinking.
The holidays blow. For an alcoholic, I suppose. I don’t know, really. There is just no good way to deal with it. I was around drinking with a couple of my friends, and came out pretty much unscathed, and I wanted this to be the way people acted around me. I didn’t want to be the guy that you couldn’t mention booze around or couldn’t order a drink if he was sitting next to you at the table. I think that would make me feel worse than actually sitting face to face with the stuff. I would feel like I was handicapping everyone around me when I was actually the cripple. So charging headlong into the holiday season, I felt I needed to give my family this same reprieve.
I have a lot of family, who like a lot of booze.
It’s not really a problem for them, but it’s still a problem for me and now it’s too late to say something. But what if I wanted to say something? What would I say? It’s ME that has the problem. “I’m sorry guys, I’m uncomfortable with this because I can’t have any and I’m jealous that all of you are having eggnog and I can’t partake in your festivus.”
Grin and bear it. I’ve almost got 3 months.
In the next installment, Thomas returns to Starkville…stay tuned!
